Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Wal-Mart Pitch

I don't know about you, but I've noticed some very generic-sounding pitches lately.  Generic as in...do they sell 'em cheap at Wal-mart or something?

They often go something like this:

When a dramatic accident occurs, the once-ordinary Mary Sue is thrust from her normal teenage life into a strange new world of danger.  Her entire life is turned upside down.  Suddenly, she must learn to cope with her newfound powers just to stay alive.  

But that's not all.  Mary Sue finds out that her powers are about more than just herself...they can save the world.  When an evil organization tries to destroy everything that is important to her, every belief she has is thrown into chaos.  She is faced with an epic choice that has dire consequences, and her decision may just affect everything.  


In this tale of action, suspense, and fate, can Mary Sue accept her final destiny before it's too late?

Ugh.  That's horrible, don't you agree?  It's so vague.  After reading this, you still have absolutely no idea whatsoever what on earth this book is about.  It doesn't say anything.

Also notice the loaded adjectives.  Dire consequences, new dangerous world, life turned upside-down, bla bla bla.  That could be anything, people!  It's so unoriginal.

This book would also have some sort of generic review on the back:

"This is amazing!  I couldn't put it down!  A page-turner!" -some author that was probably paid to say that

Ugh, ugh, ugh.  Remember this when you're writing your pitch, please.  PLEASE!  For your sake, and others' as well.  Don't give dull, ambiguous phrases like that.  Your book is about something specific, so make your pitch specific, too! 

And please, please, please don't use the I'm-an-ordinary-teenager-so-normal-that-I'm-just-so-incredibly-average-that-average-is-my-middle-name.  No.  Kill me now.  I actually wrote an entire blog post on the subject.

3 comments:

  1. YES. Completely agree with you Annie. This needed to be said :)

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  2. I agree with kpowell! I've seen so many pitches like that, that it's just ridiculous!

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  3. Oh my goodness, I hate that, too!

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